Everything Monica Lewinsky Said About Bill Clinton in Her Podcast

Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton. Getty Images (2)

Monica Lewinsky is ready to reclaim the narrative surrounding her life in the public eye.

The activist just launched her “Reclaiming With Monica Lewinsky” podcast and dived into her infamous scandal with former President Bill Clinton.

“I fell in love with D.C. and the White House and the job and the environment and then, very unfortunately, I fell in love with my boss who was married and also the most powerful man in the world,” she said on the February 17 episode. “What followed was an inappropriate relationship that lasted for two years.”

Lewinsky, 51, became a household name in 1998 after her affair with Clinton, 77, was made public. The two were intimate while Lewinsky worked at the White House as an intern in the 1990s.

Bill, who is married to Hillary Clinton, was subsequently impeached by the House of Representatives, but he was acquitted of all charges in February 1999 and remained in office until the end of his second presidential term in 2001.

Keep reading to see what Lewinsky revealed about the scandal that continues to make headlines nearly 25 years later:

Monica Lewinsky’s Changing Perspective on Her Bill Clinton Relationship 

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With the help of time, therapy and perspective, Lewinsky said she has a deeper understanding of what her relationship with Bill really was.

“What I thought was happening in those two years in D.C. and what I thought this relationship was, I’ve come to understand it in different ways,” she explained. “I think that it was something where there were real emotions involved, but I think I believed that there was a future. I think I believed that I mattered a lot more than I did.”

The Cost of Scandal

According to Lewinsky, her family spent more than $1 million in legal fees. At first, she was hopeful some costs would be waived. Once she learned it wasn’t going to happen, she chose to pay off some bills by participating in an authorized biography.

“[It was] another stripping of my sense of justice and the way the world works, and I think I had lost so much of that in the investigation,” she recalled. “There was just a sense of unfairness. I had made mistakes, but it felt like there was one set of rules for most people, and somehow, I had to abide by a different set of rules.”

Monica’s New Normal

After investigations were complete and the media focused on other scandals, Lewinsky quickly realized that her status as a public figure wasn’t going away.

“There was a crash course that I had to take in becoming a public person in 1998,” she said. “During that period of the investigation, for a very long time, there was press outside where I was staying. … My movements were incredibly restricted at that point. You just start to learn all these new things about being a public person.”

Whether she was in Washington, D.C. or staying with family in Los Angeles, Lewinsky said paparazzi followed her. For many years, she said she couldn’t even sit outside of restaurants without being disturbed.

Monica’s Rejection in the Job Market

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After the White House scandal, Lewinsky went to grad school in hopes of getting a fresh start and gaining more skills for the workforce.

“I was trying to find places that did the work that I was interested to do and then try to see if I knew people who knew people there so I wasn’t going in cold,” she explained on the podcast. “When I came out of graduate school, I think I interviewed at maybe 50 different places, and it became clear I was not going to get a job.”

While Lewinsky joked about debating whether she should put her White House internship in her cover letter, the pain of constantly getting rejected was very real.

“I did all the things that were on the plan of trying to move forward,” she said. “My family and I were at a loss of what to do and how to do it.”

Monica’s Mental Health Struggles

In the debut episode of her podcast, Lewinsky said she had suicidal thoughts as she tried to cope with the scandal.

“I think what surprised me almost the most was that some of the hardest times and the times I came closest to not wanting to be here anymore were in the aftermath because I didn’t realize how much I had lost,” she said. “When I came to realize how much I had lost, when I came into my anger, when I came into this period of my life where I could not move forward.”

After struggling to find success in her professional life, Lewinsky said she “couldn’t see a future.” At one point, she recalled going to bed sobbing and praying, “I just didn’t want to wake up.”

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