I nursed my husband’s ex through terminal cancer

When Abi Vance started dating her now husband Chris Vance, she had no clue what a huge part his ex-girlfriend Erin Harvey-Corner would play in her life.

The women just tolerated each other when they first met in 2016, but four years later, after being thrown together by the pandemic, they became friends.

By the time Erin was diagnosed with a rare cancer in 2023 the pair were as close as sisters.

“Chris and Erin’s break-up wasn’t amicable, so when Erin and I met, we didn’t exactly hit it off,” says Abi, 40, a mindset coach from Anglesey, North Wales.

But everything changed in January 2020 after Erin’s youngest son Zac, three, was killed in a caravan fire while staying with his father.

When lockdown hit just two months later, Abi couldn’t bear to think of Erin grieving alone, stuck in her house filled with memories.

“My heart went out to her after Zac was killed, and then we were plunged into lockdown,” says Abi. “It might seem an unusual thing to do, but Chris and I had the space, so we asked her and her family to stay with us.”

Erin, her partner Dan and her boys – Chris’s son Alex, now 14, and Harley, now nine, from another previous relationship – moved into the annex of Abi and Chris’s five-bedroom house.

“It felt strange at first,” says Abi. “But it was lovely to see the children every day, and made all our lives more interesting.

“Over the months, Erin and I would sit outside together while the children played. We would chat about life and Erin began to open up to me.

“Over the next few years, we developed a sisterly relationship; we actually had lots in common. I helped her navigate her grief and our friendship blossomed as we started to grow into a close blended family.”

When lockdown ended, Erin and her family returned to their home in Pontrhydfendigaid, Ceredigion, but the women remained close.

So three years later when Erin started to feel unwell and lose weight. Abi encouraged her to go to the doctor. Just weeks later, in February 2023, Erin was diagnosed with stage three ampullary cancer.

“We all rallied round and told her she would pull through,” Abi says.

But in June 2023, Erin was told that the cancer had spread to her liver and was incurable. She was given six months to live.

“I burst into tears and told her not to be scared, that I would be there for her,” Abi says. “I helped manage her appointments and helped with her kids.

“We made a bucket list of all the things she wanted to do before she died. She wanted to go camping with her children, to a festival, a concert of one of her favourite bands and to a Christmas market.”

She also wanted to marry Dan, so the pair tied the knot in a bittersweet ceremony in July, 2023.

“Chris and I also got married in October 2023, and Erin was a bridesmaid. She made an emotional speech which saw not a dry eye left in the room,” Abi recalls.

Abi helped with fundraising to pay for Erin’s bucket list experiences – a local woman held a coffee morning and Abi completed the Snowdonia half marathon, together raising £10,000.

Abi would help Erin prepare for her check-ups and Dan would take her for chemotherapy treatment. Some days were better than others – Erin often felt weak and struggled to do simple tasks such as getting ready, or cooking food.

Erin also started posting more regularly on social media about what she was going through on good days and bad – she wanted to help as many people as she could.

As Erin’s condition deteriorated, the families decided to arrange an early Christmas celebration for her on 2 December 2023; by Christmas Day itself Erin was almost bed-bound.

“I said goodbye to my family and stayed at Erin’s home with Dan and the boys to help out,” says Abi.

“Erin was worried about funeral costs, and so I turned to her TikTok followers to ask for donations. The response was overwhelming, raising £6,000. The rest of the money was to be used as an adventure fund for her sons.”

On January 2, 2024, Erin posted a video of her last trip out of the house. Seven days later, at the age of 31, she died.

In an emotional video in which she sobbed to the camera, Abi broke the news to Erin’s TikTok followers that her best friend had died.

“After her death, I grieved alongside her family and started fulfilling my promises to her, ensuring her children kept smiling and had adventures planned,” Abi says.

Abi also kept her promise to Erin, doing daily updates to her nearly 85,000 followers on her own TikTok account. But in a distressing twist, trolls started to turn on Abi.

“I’ve received a backlash from those who claim I’m cashing in,” Abi says. Others slammed her looks, body and hair. After Abi’s address was shared online, a stranger hounded the family at their garden gate, another reported them to social services.

But among the deluge of comments and messages were others crying out for help. “So many have said how they are unwell and have no one to care for them,” says Abi. “We had people reaching out to us saying they were dying too but that they didn’t have ‘an Abi’ and that they were alone.

“We also had people who were caring for someone terminally ill who thanked us for sharing our journeys as it made them realise that there are others going through the same thing.

“The trolling has been heartbreaking, but I can’t lose sight of my mission,” says Abi.

That mission is setting up Erin’s Angels, a charity supporting people who are dying as well as their families. It’s currently registered as a non-profit organisation.

“The next stage is to reach £5,000 in income so that we can register with the Charity Commission. We are doing this by selling Erin’s Angels merchandise online and taking donations.

“As well as grieving my friend, I am distraught over the bullying,” she says.

“However, I refuse to stop sharing our story and want to continue to raise awareness of reducing the loneliness and ignorance out of death and dying.

“As we approach the first anniversary of Erin’s death in January, I know I am keeping my promises to one of the strongest and most courageous women I have ever had the pleasure to do life with. And that means I can sleep soundly at night.”

For more information about Erin’s Angels, visit erinsangels.org